River of Refuge newsletter, October 2025

River of Refuge Parents Gain Conflict Resolution Skills

It seems as if vitriol and strife are all around us, but River of Refuge families are learning how to manage disputes in their households and elsewhere via an anger-management-based curriculum.

Debbie Bayless and Ryan S. Harvey are leading the seven sessions now being taught during Monday evening life-skills classes. The duo are facilitators with the Center for Conflict Resolution, a nonprofit based in Kansas City, Missouri.

The curriculum is heavy on self-awareness. One key feature is the TALK process, short for: Think (to calm down); Ask (be curious about the situation); Listen (to each other); and Keep (it simple).

“We encourage people to approach somebody about an issue, but you’re going to listen to the other individual and then ask if you can share how it affected you,” Bayless said, “and then brainstorming ways to address the underlying needs.”

Parents have also reflected on how conflict management in their childhood homes influenced the dynamics within their current families.

The classes have been “really great with how vulnerable and honest they’re willing to be about what’s going on for them and really trying to have a deeper understanding,” Bayless said. “We’ve had really great discussions.”

One mom was so enthused at the outset that she brought her teenage son to the second session.

Parents have also discussed how they will balance their kids’ desires with responsible parenting, Bayless said. One participant said they used lessons from the first couple of classes to take a different approach with their boss.

“Just giving people a way to express their voice or their frustration about something where they actually will be heard is what I think is so valuable about our information,” Bayless said. “Anger or frustration stems from unmet needs, and if you can actually voice that, then it can be more easily addressed and discussed about how to figure it out.”

Pam Seymour, River of Refuge executive director, got the idea to bring in the center when a book club friend invited her to the organization’s fundraiser early in Seymour’s tenure at River of Refuge.

This is the second time the center has conducted training for River of Refuge families. The first time was in 2023.

Seymour said River of Refuge provides a good environment for parents to work on conflict management because the housing and supports they receive while here relieve some stress and allow them to focus on life skills.

The parenting component is especially important, she said.

“A lot of the problems that we’re experiencing in our world with our children are because they don’t know how to resolve conflict without guns and knives,” Seymour said. “I believe that starts at home, and clearly that hasn’t worked out because there are so many deaths of our children.”

Tough love is the key, she said.

“Parents aren’t always the good guys,” Seymour said.

“It’s OK to be the bad guy. It’s your responsibility … to actually parent, and not be their friend, and be afraid that you’re going to hurt their feelings, and they’re going to be mad at you.”

 

ROR Celebrates Halloween, Sleep Number Donation

If it’s Halloween, that means Thanksgiving and Christmas aren’t too far behind. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

River of Refuge held its annual Trunk or Treat event with our families on Oct. 22, with the whole range of costumes on display.

Sticking to the Halloween theme, River of Refuge got a big treat earlier this month in the form of a donation from the Sleep Number store in Blue Springs.

The store donated nearly two dozen much-needed items, including pillows, pillow protectors, and a sheet set.

 

FROM THE DIRECTOR

As one saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Recharging ourselves is a key part of life, which is why it’s so important to build skills that help us manage conflict and stress, like those our families are learning through the Center for Conflict Resolution, which we wrote about in our lead story this month.

Recharging is also vital for those of us in human services, a field that can be equal parts rewarding and exhausting, which brings to mind another observation, this one from a famous Chinese philosopher: “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”

The leisureliness of the outdoors not only provides a metaphor for life, but also offers a great setting to fill up one’s cup.

So in September, my husband and I took a few days off and visited Roaring River State Park, near Cassville, Missouri, close to the Mark Twain National Forest. This park was a favorite escape for me when I was younger and on a tight budget. I’d pack up my tent and head out for some peace and quiet. The tranquility always soothed my soul.

It had been years since I’d returned, and with my tent-camping days behind me, this time we stayed in the park lodge — enjoying the luxury of a bed and a hot shower each night.

We hiked, watched the rainbow and brown trout swimming in the cool, spring-fed river, and took short day trips to nearby towns to escape the heat. It was the first real vacation my husband and I have taken together in years.

One of the reasons we hadn’t traveled before was our pets.

We have three dogs and a cat, and finding someone to stay with them has always been a challenge. That changed earlier this year when we finally found the right person to care for them while we were away. It made all the difference.

Many of the families we work with haven’t taken vacations in years — if ever.

The idea often doesn’t even cross their minds, especially as they work to overcome the debt they accumulated before joining our program. But I’m happy to share that a few graduate families have recently taken well-deserved vacations, and their finances remained stable.

Caleb and Tina took their family to Galveston, Texas, to see the ocean for the first time. Lee and Selena planned and saved for a trip to Florida with their kids.

These getaways weren’t extravagant, but they were meaningful — and they were possible because of the progress these families have made.

Everyone deserves a break from the demands of daily life. A vacation doesn’t have to be expensive, exotic, or far away. Sometimes, just stepping away for a few days to recharge can make all the difference.

As we enter the holiday season, please remember to take the occasional breather and much-needed break, regardless of how small it may be.

In this fully electronic world, we would all do well to keep in mind the words of Anne Lamott, an American author: “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes… including you.”

Until Next Time,
Pamela Seymour, Executive Director